Who thinks parenting is hard work? I certainly do.
I’m sat on the Eurotunnel to Rotterdam going to visit my adorable grandchildren, thinking and contemplating modern parenting. So, I want to talk about how difficult parenting is nowadays. I had my first child 39 years ago, as a very young mum. I felt overwhelmed and judged at every level but I was a bit of a rebel and managed to do things my way and go against the very strong objections and advice and trust my gut instinct.
Of course I made mistakes, I certainly didn’t do things perfectly but my children are all well rounded individuals, they flew the nest, brave enough to travel all around the world and are brilliant. I know- I’m definitely biased. But I think we did a good job, I could have done some things differently but overall I’m happy I was a ‘good enough mother!! (Donald Winnicott 1953)
There wasn’t a plethora of books, magazines and certainly not social media. Nowadays, it’s so easy to get immersed in information, bombarded with instructions and judgements from all sides. Perfect photos of perfect children/families, the latest must have equipment you will definitely need (not!), which you’ll sell on Marketplace. ( Other websites available) 😂 You have to do this, don’t do that, feed them this, wear the right clothes/labels. You have to send them to all sorts of classes and buy all the various outfits required and have their own calendars to keep up with them.
Parenting is the hardest job you’ll ever do. Nothing will ever be the same again. It is like a life-quake with aftershocks lasting a lifetime.
You have to take care you create boundaries and filters for yourself. Know what triggers you and be selective of who and where you get advice and help from.
Some of your family and friends may have special superpowers, knowing which ones to utilise at specific times is crucial. Others may cause you grief, stress and anxiety, give them less headspace!
There is so much that is never told to new parents and you only find out through trial and error. One of the worst can be sleep deprivation, which slowly builds up and has short and long term consequences to all your family’s health and wellbeing - emotionally, physically and mentally.
The second concerns working parents, the amount of sickness a child can pick up in childcare settings is never ending and subsequently you end up having to juggle days taken off caring for your sick child, often having to come out of your holiday entitlement. Also you are likely to pick up said sickness bugs too!! 🤢Needing time off work- it can often be relentless. I speak as a Childminder, who incidentally take fewer children so there is less chance of sickness in smaller settings. But Nurseries are a whole different environment and breeding grounds for every bug know to humans! I co- work at present with children in my setting and attending nurseries. They are sick nearly every week.
You will get the highest highs and some pretty deep lows, they will push every single button you possess and push you to depths you didn’t know existed.
Having said all this, your children will also bring you the greatest joys in life and you can ‘learn on the job’ as you go along. Trust yourself, you have their best interest at heart and love them more than anything else in the entire universe. You will learn new things about yourself and grow as an adult. You are not the finished result yet. Enjoy them and treasure this time. It goes in a blink. ⭐️
I’ll leave the joys of your children as adults for another blog along with the ecstasy of grandchildren.
Wendy Hutt
Ofsted Registered Childminder ‘Outstanding’
BA Early Years
www.sleepybunnies-consultancy.com
